Sunday, January 31, 2016

Curing Writer's Block

Hello Non-Existent Reader,

I am a writer.

I am frequently plagued by Writer's Block. Sometimes, the inspiration floats just out of my reach. Other times, I'm just stuck and can't write a damn thing, no matter what I try.

Here are some tips to help cure writer's block. Read the entire post.

Effective Ways to Treat Writer's Block:

1) Write anyway
2) Write something else (even a to-do list)
3) Write something you hate
4) Exercise

Ineffective Ways to Treat Writer's Block:

1) Get incredibly drunk
2) Sleep
3) Eat excessive amounts of food  (may cause weight gain)
4) Stress out (may cause acne flair-ups)
5) Do nothing
6) Procrastinate forever
7) Give Up
8) Vow never to write again
9) Go grocery shopping for foods you will eat excessive amounts in a stress-fueled panic
10) Become jealous 

Sunday, January 3, 2016

Another Cliche Posting

Hello Non-Existent Reader,

I'm Baaaaack! With another cliche post about me. And the new year. And my resolutions.

My resolutions this year are pretty boring and totally status quo (lose weight, be a nice person).

Every year I make the same resolution: to write more. This resolution has been on my list since my freshman year of college. I've been pretty good with keeping it. I journal, start/outline/attempt to write short stories (and the occasional novel), write letters to the editor, and at one point in my career I was a headline writer/script writer.

But last year, I did not write enough. I barely kept my journal up-to-date. I didn't blog. I started another novel, but struggled to portray the characters as realistic (the characters were/are pretty horrible people).

This year, I'll finally get published- and paid for it. 

You just watch.

Peace out. 

Saturday, January 2, 2016

A SEO-Optimized Post (Sarcasm)

Hello Non-Existent Reader,

I don't blog much anymore. It's not that I have trouble writing, but there's a lot I don't want SEO to pick up for my blog. I don't want marketers and social media mavens to find my blog via Google Alerts. I really don't want my Twitter  or Instagram to be improperly found by robots.

I don't want to add photos of popular foods (avocados- the food of the month) or recipes that are easy to make and low fat and delicious- like this Caprese Salad. Or anything that mentions clean eating.

Caprese Salad with Avocado

#Hashtag #Google #Blog #CleanEating #inspiration

Sunday, August 23, 2015

Late August

Hello Non-Existent Reader,

Late August used to be one of my favorite times of year. Summer jobs were winding down, and school would be starting soon.

There was always excitement for the upcoming school year (yes, even in college) and the changes that were sure to come.

I'm in an office now (Monday-Friday, 8-5), and the excitement has faded. I get excited for Labor Day weekend and the extra day off, but it's not the same. I'm not in a learning atmosphere, where teachers and students alike are preparing for a new year.

I never realized how much I enjoyed the anticipation for the new school year. 

Saturday, August 8, 2015

Still Writing

Hello Non-Existent Reader,

I still write. After all this time, my dream of being a published author has not come true yet, but I still write. I have not given up.

I get ideas from my everyday travels. Some ideas are funny, some cliche, some boring, and some mean, but they are still ideas.

One day my stories will be published. I promise.

Once a writer, always a writer.

Sunday, July 12, 2015

Moving, Pickled Onions, Yoga

Hello Non-Existent Reader,

I hope your bellies and bank accounts are full of riches.

I moved from a 795 sq. ft. apartment to an 885 sq. ft. place. It's good wood laminate floors, a big bathroom, and a big pantry. I wouldn't recommend moving in extreme (115 F) heat. Even with precautions, you most likely will end up dry heaving in a cold sweat in the wee hours of the morning.

I flew home for a visit over the 4th of July weekend. It was pretty cool. The food in Virginia Beach is superior to the food in Phoenix, I must say. If Phoenix would stop putting pickled onions on everything and cease to serve crappy chicken, I would feel differently.

Some of the new neighbors (thankfully several buildings away from me), don't know how to argue effectively in an apartment community. If you don't want onlookers to stop and watch you fight, then don't start yelling profanities while on the balcony. Whisper arguments are so much more effective. 

I tried doing yoga the other day. It's actually quite the workout. I am a fan. One day I'll have the courage to go to a class in spite of my yoga-related fears.

I'm back to writing. I find it difficult at times, but with the help of the thousands of "How to Write" books, I am making progress. Soon, I'll have a novel with my name on it. I promise.

Monday, May 11, 2015


Hello Non-Existent Reader,

Somehow, I've become a 75% vegetarian. Completely on accident. And I'm okay with it.
Hell hath frozen over.